I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
These tits shall not be calmed
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
