fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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