I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
