i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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