..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
