I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
