Can Purell be used as lube?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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