filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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