Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I pour the whiskey from now on
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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