Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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