i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dicks are not precious.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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