would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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