im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize