So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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