You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
