i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize