Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
