why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
