How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
