another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize