Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
