i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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