I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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