i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
