The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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