Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
