so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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