I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
