I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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