Jerry, you need to find god
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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