I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
