ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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