then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
