my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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