The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
