What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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