And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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