Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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