Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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