Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize