I want to stick my p in your. b.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
