You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
as a side note pls kill me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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