I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize