hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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