He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
