I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
