if you like me you must not know who I am
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
