Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
