OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
