I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize