I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
