sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
