He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
