i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
