Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
