wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
