I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You made out with two different species that night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
