Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
