Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
