Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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