She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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