I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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