youre lurking in front of me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
