the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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