Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
