I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
