i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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