Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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