I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize