we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
