did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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