Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize