Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
